Wednesday, August 25, 2010

No Matter Where You Go, There You Are

The picture is the campus of son2's university.  Beautiful, isn't it? 

Well, son 2 started college yesterday.  Sort of.  Let me elucidate.

Son 2 has a pattern of being late for everything.  Literally, everything.  His social anxiety peaks and he can't make himself go in the ___(classroom, party, house, garage, store, church, choir room, place there might be a person).  I love this boy to death, but he just can't make himself. 

SO. First day of class.  We arrive at the appropriate location with 15 minutes for him to get to class.  He found the classroom just fine, no problems navigating, even with the sidewalks teeming with students.  I went off to pick corn for my mother and father in-law for that hour, thinking he would be great, it's just syllabus day, nothing major to do...he'll have lunch with his best friend from high school and they'll have a few laughs. 

Fast forward exactly 46 minutes.  I get a text saying class is out early because it was just syllabus day.  I asked about his friend, I asked what's on the syllabus, does he like the teacher etc.  I got platitudes and excuses.  He lied to me.  He did not walk through the door.  He stood outside it for 46 minutes, then texted to come home. 


We need help for him.  I could walk him into class, but that's hardly the societal norm.  When school starts for the rest of the guys, that will also get easier.  Trooping in with four little brothers would really draw the attention, and probably help him avoid ever wanting to go in again.  But what are my options?  I have nothing to pay anyone with to help him get through the door, and the high school hasn't managed to get his IEP in to the college yet, so Student Support Services is really limited in what they can do. 

I want him to hang out with his friend, and get some of the fun parts of college and not just the grim work.  I want him to enjoy this experience, but he appears bound and determined to let this one beat him.  I can't find the instructor online to email or anything.  Someone has some splaining to do.

In the two weeks before everyone else starts school he has the potential to completely louse up the semester.  Or to set himself up for all the success he can swallow.  How to make it the second one is my quandry. 

We'll try again tomorrow - and I will walk him in if I have to (which I apparently do). I will talk to his friend on Friday when he's over to celebrate the completion of their first week.  Blessedly, his friend is other type of Aspie who can't help but follow rules and do things the "right" way, blissfully ignorant of social convention and embarrassment.  When they're together, they find the "happy medium" between both approaches. Son 2 makes Friend more socially acceptable, Friend makes Son 2 more responsible.  Maybe there's a way they can meet and walk to class together, if their 10 o'clocks are close by.  God, I hope so.

So no matter where he goes, high school, college, the workplace...there he is.  He can't escape himself. 



  1. Send a letter to the professor telling him about Son2s issues. The disability office should not have to wait for the IEP to give him accommodations either. Do you not have a copy of it? Give it to is not any less oficial if you give it to them. It comes from the school either way. In a creative writing couse there really isn't very many accommodations anyway.When they tell you an assignment has to be in it has to be in, unless you work it out with the professor that it can be late. Most do not give extended time for writing assignments. College is a different world than high school. The ones in college are for test taking. He should get alterntive location and use of a computer and extended time.

    Also if necessary, walk him in. I walked collegeman around campus yesterday and went with him to the disability office, advising and his advisors office and he is a junior.

    Take him over in between class and practice going into his classroom. That may help. He was probably overwhelmed that is all. I am sure it will be ok.

  2. Beautiful school...I would want to be playing.

    Good luck, it will work out.

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